They are important and necessary in a relationship but the emotional world is often an area that catches most of us by the toe. If you didn’t have an upbringing where emotions were viewed as good, were shared, and validated then the emotional world can be seen as a bad thing you want to avoid. If this is you then you weren’t shown or told how to effectively share and receive emotions so that leaves many of us lost. Here I want to help put you on the road of Intentional intimacy and provide some clarity and safety around sharing your emotions in a way that feels “doable”- no overwhelm here.
In relationships we certainly want everything to go well. Smiles and hugs all around, right?. But it doesn't work that way. Instead, when you are in the dance of relationship with your partner, even when both of you love each other so very much, someone's toes are inevitably going to be stepped on and hurt will unintentionally happen. That’s just the nature of the dance since we are humans and we are going to stumble, fall and step on toes sometimes, even those we love a ton.
Your motivation for anything that you do in life doesn’t ever come from one sole source. Perhaps there’s a dominant reason, but because you are beautifully diverse there are often several motivations that lead us to do something, like have sex with your partner. In the previous post: 12 Common Motivations for Sex (Part 1) we got to dive into the first six of the 12 common motivations for having sex and here we will continue to explore the remaining six.
If you think about the motivations for having sex you might think well, you have sex because you want to have sex. Now wouldn’t that be easy? If that were the case I’d be out of a job! That would be like saying we eat food simply because we want to eat food. Instead each time you eat food the motivation may stem from the biological urge of hunger, or your body is craving some iron, or perhaps you want to enjoy something yummy, because you are
As women, we go through many transitions not only from day to day but month to month like when we have our periods, and also on a larger scale through our own personal seasons. Pregnancy is also one of the times of big seasonal changes within your body and it is important to be aware of and honor the transitions or your body. Being aware allows you to understand the impacts on your sexual self. I want to break this transitional time down into the five seasons around pregnancy so that you can be more aware of what’s going on in your body so you can honor yourself and your intimate relationship with your partner.
If you are like me, I had spent years not being in tune with my body. As a recovering people-pleaser and woman on the go, my focus was outward. Knowing and honoring how I felt and how my hormones influenced my mood and energy was never something I even considered as a possibility. But it is vital as a woman to take a look inward including your monthly hormonal cycle to understand the ebbs and flows of your energy. Knowledge of our inner world is essential and luckily I have come a long way in understanding that I need to show up in the world based on the inside out, not the outside in. Join me on the inside and be curious about the ways your monthly cycle influences how you show up in intimacy with your partner and how to navigate the changes.
When it comes to your relationship you have a connection and a bond with your partner as a result of your love for each other. This love means you have a huge impact on the other and this impact desire is to be good. But you can also have a negative impact where your relationship heads for an iceberg like the Titanic. Left unattended your relationship heads for that iceberg easily and often. Approaching things with intention will be all the difference between a cycle of disconnection or connection in your relationship. The best way to influence this cycle is to have awareness of what you do, say and feel and how this impacts your partner and visa versa.
You are at the very foundation of your relationship. Yes, you. Without you, there would be no relationship. And because of this, you need to make sure that you are taking care of you! That means making sure that you are treating yourself positivity, with kindness and love and taking care of yourself in a way that honors you at the foundation of your relationship.
In the honeymoon phase of your relationship when things are new and exciting you don’t have to think about intimacy because everything just flows so easily. You don’t need to focus on doing things differently or with intention because you are in the flow. When you move more into the committed love space and keep approaching your relationship with the going-with-the-flow mentality rather than taking action, things are going to start flowing in the wrong direction unintentionally.
There are many ways that sexual desire can be blocked and having pain during sex is certainly one of them. And when there’s pain it would make sense that your desire to want to be intimate is going to float away like a balloon. The reason for this is that we avoid pain as humans at a primal level of protection (unless you are playing with pain as a way to access pleasure, such as a good smack on the butt). Since it’s important to have sex from a good, positive and pleasurable place we want to take any unwanted pain out of the picture. To start your process, make sure to as these five crucial questions so that you can begin to take the pain out of the picture and reclaim your pleasure.