This past weekend I went to my Saturday morning yoga class. Well, it’s going to start being my Saturday morning class because I just made it a weekly thing. Week one, check! When I was in class I was reminded of several things that I want to share with you about the paths that we want to take to feel ease and joy in our lives. For you and your relationship, the path may be embracing a new opportunity to follow the path of Intentional Intimacy, where you use an intentional approach to your relationship so that you have more ease and comfort in the intimacy between you and your partner. As you may have heard me say in the past, relationships are not best navigated by just “winging it”. Instead, you want to step on a path paved with intentionality.
When you do this, when you step on this Intentional Intimacy path, you have the opportunity to approach your relationship in a different way that ensures you are taking the right steps in your relationship. Not only do I know that you can step on this path to have a sustainable, intimate relationship with your partner, I also have helped hundreds of women and couples with the steps along this path.
Soon I will be opening the doors to my New Online Course that will give you access to my guide down this intentional path. If you want to be on the waitlist as one of the founding members (including a super-low cost that has me even going ‘holy cow!’), click below.
It’s Never a Bad Time to Start
You may be wondering if you can step onto the path of Intentional Intimacy. Perhaps you are thinking, “Do I even need to approach my relationship in a different way?”. Or maybe you feel your relationship overall is great and although you and your partner keep getting stuck around intimacy you hope “it’ll just get better”. And you may have been on a different path that has led to disconnection, frustration, and stress in your relationship for a while and you’re wondering, “Is it too late for me to step onto a new path and do things differently?”
Ladies, it is never too early and never too late and you can hop back on the path if you veered off. Like being physically healthy, starting early means you are being preventative. With the Intentional Intimacy approach, you have the opportunity to learn what elements to put in place in your relationship now so that as you grow and build your relationship you are doing so with a strong foundation that isn’t based on the “just wing it” path that our society puts us on. You want to be on the Intentional Intimacy path so that you don’t gain the equivalent of 20 pounds in your relationship. With me as your guide, you’ll learn the moves and the steps along the path that will be supportive of an intimate connection that is sustainable for a love that lasts.
Even if you’ve been down this “wing it” path for a while at no fault of your own, you too can have the opportunity to be on the Intentional Intimacy path. Sure, like physical health if you’ve been on another path for a while and you have gained that 20-pound equivalent in your relationship it’ll take some time to build up the Intentional Intimacy approach. But you can do it. I’ve had couples in 30+ years of marriage find intimacy and connection with me as their guide and if they can do it, so can you. They have stepped along this Intentional Intimacy path along with me and let me tell you, there’s more room on the path.
And even when you step on this wonderful Intentional Intimacy path, you will veer off. It’s not a sign of failure it’s a sign that you are human. I too have veered off the path just like I did these past couple months and my health focus. If you are like me and most of the clients I work with, you will get off track when it comes to the focuses we want in our lives and it’s ok! I talk more about this in my Facebook Live: 3 Ways to Get Back on Track With Physical Intimacy.
Don’t Compare Yourself to Others or Yourself
Having done yoga for a good many years, I know what it was like when I was able to do tough poses like Warrior III with eagle arms. This past weekend when I went and it had been a while, I was all sorts of wobbly and my lack of flexibility certainly started to put a frustrating scrunch on my face. But then I was reminded by the teacher to “not compare yourself”. I took a big breath and let go of the comparisons to myself as to what I have been able to do in the past. When you take the opportunity to step onto the path you want to focus on, that path as it looks now and not what it did in the past, then you free yourself up to meet yourself where you're at without judgment.
You also don’t want to compare yourself to others. I know it’s easier said than done, especially with social media showing the highlight reels of people’s experiences. Remember, they are on their own path, or even if they are on the same one you are, they have their own speed of growth and change and their own blocks they experience. Keep your eyes on yourself and if you look at others use it as inspiration. So instead of looking at the gal in front of me with balance and flexibility that had my eyes go wide and thinking to myself “gah, I’m never going to be able to do that!”, the inspirational thought instead was, “wow that is something I want to be able to do and I’m going to keep showing up along this path trusting that I too will be able to move further along..” all with a smile at her journey and a smile at my own.
Find Your Edge
When I was in my yoga class, back on my health path, and trying to do moves I used to be able to do and trying to stretch further than what my body was wanting me to, the voice of the instructor to “find your edge” reminded me to pull back on each move in the rest of the class. I didn't pull back so far as to not feel any benefit from the class, but enough that my body wasn’t being pushed too hard and further than it could really go. For example, instead of trying to touch my toes I pulled back to my ankle which allowed me to feel a bit of resistance to encourage my body to grow. Pulling back to, say, my knees wouldn’t have challenged me at all and staying at my toes was way too much of a challenge. At my ankle, I found my growth edge - the area where you are learning in and making changes in your body but not leaning in so much that your body is screaming at you. If we don’t lean in enough then we are doing what we’ve always done and little to no change happens. If we lean in too much, the push is not sustainable and our minds and bodies say ‘heck no’ to continuing on the path and then little to no change happens.
When you take the opportunity to move along the Intentional Intimacy path where you are moving toward more ease and connection in your relationship, you want to also find your edge. The edge is often linked to the speed that you move along the path and how big your steps are. Too slow and too little of steps and you’ll not see any changes and this can lead to getting frustrated and giving up. Too fast and too big of steps and your mind and body will send warning signals that the changes are too much or too scary, leading you to want to step off the path. I want you to stay on the path because it works but in order to move the path in a sustainable way, it’s important to find your edge where your mind and body isn’t feeling like it’s “too easy” or where it’s “too hard”. This Goldilocks “just right” spot right in the middle isn’t going to be a clear line and can change. What may feel “easy” today might feel “hard” tomorrow. Check in with yourself and listen to your mind and body of where you are at right now. As long as you are following your growth edge based on where you are at right now, you will always be growing and moving along the path of Intentional Intimacy.
Want to learn more about what may be blocking you from moving down the path of Intentional Intimacy? Check out my FREE Sexual Blocks Quiz for Women!