Expanding Your Capacity for Pleasure
Access to more pleasure is something so many of my clients desire to experience more of in their life both inside and outside the bedroom.
They, like you, crave to be able to let go of the over doing and over pleasing and instead open themselves to deeply surrender into the luxury of pleasure. To feel the delicious sensations of this human experience fully. Although for many the desire is to expand and connect more to sexual pleasure, it’s also about expanding your capacity for pleasure in life overall: the pleasure of the sun on your face, the giggles in your belly, and the pleasure of orgasms that ripple through your entire body.
Pleasure as a Continuum
To feel more of the pleasure in your life it’s helpful to see pleasure as a continuum - where on one end we are in complete disconnect and turn off to our life. Where we have no connection to our bodies and the feeling of the physical, emotional and energetic sensations that course to, through and from it.. This TURNED OFF side of the pleasure continuum is where you experience the absence of pleasure. Where you are shut down and shut off. As we talked about previously about Responsive Desire that many women experience with sexual pleasure , this is certainly an issue when it comes to expecting your pleasure to just pop on like a light switch when you are operating in your day-to-life from a turned off mode.
In the middle of the continuum is where you experience the NEUTRAL mode. This is where you aren't in the resistance of pleasure, actively shutting off the flow, but you aren't also in the opening of pleasure either. Kind of like the hose is no longer kinked closed but you also haven't opened the tap for pleasure to flow yet either.
As you move along the continuum you access the TURNED ON experience where you start turning on and up the flow of pleasure. What is so delicious is our capacity for pleasure is infinite. We can keep surrendering and opening and receiving the pleasurable sensation of life and the only limit is the limit we create. Pleasure can literally be found anywhere and everywhere.
TURN OFF ____________________ NEUTRAL ____________________ TURN ON
Accessing More Pleasure
You access a life of more and more pleasure by opening your heart and your body to feel safe to receive the experience and sensations of pleasure in your body. Which is why intimacy healing is important to live a life of pleasure because the more we feel safe with the delicious feelings of love penetrating our heart, our lover kissing our cheek, multiple orgasms, an abundance of money in our bank account, the delicious aroma of Coffee under our nose… the more we can be with, hold and expand our capacity for the sensations of pleasure in our life.
This opening of our body and heart is what "turns" the tap of pleasure on and opens the flow more and more.
First a trickle.
Then a constant stream.
Flowing and expanding more and more.
When you learn to live in this space on the "positive" side of pleasure and HOLD it open you are fully in the present moment of now and feeling the connection with yourself and the world around you. Open and turned ON. No longer hiding or numbing but instead fully available for the abundance of all the pleasure that is here in every present moment.
Keep in mind that being the humans that we are, even with intimacy healing we will wobble and dip into the neutral or negative space of pleasure at times, but less and less as you learn how to stay in pleasure and know it's SAFE to stay there and play there. This is something we talk more about in programs like “Self Love through Pleasure” and “Embody”, both available when you join the Love Library: a monthly membership filled with digital programs on love, pleasure, healing and desire
The present moment is when we are in the pure intimacy with self and life which reveals in it the potency of pleasure.
And when you desire to open that tap EVEN more...
On full blast...
That's when the full potential of pleasure is accessed. Where ALL of you is open and receiving the pleasure, and it builds to the peak of your climactic experience. Whether that's a body-gasm, a soul-gasm or heart-gasm... or all of the above. Non required and we certainly don’t want to create pressure to have all pleasure experiences be climactic. Removing pressure from pleasure is one of THE key pieces as you open yourself for more pleasure in life
Permission for Pleasure
In the 11+ years I have worked with clients opening to more pleasure it was always essential to give yourself permission that you are fully worthy of pleasure. That it’s also safe to be intimate with pleasure. You also get to open to pleasure at whatever pace your body feels comfortable and where you can stay in a state of nervous system regulation. This is when you are not in a fight, flight, freeze or fawning response but fully present with the sensation of pleasure. You don't have to go from -10 and jump to 10+ on the Pleasure Continuum to “do it right”
One, that's not how it works.
And two, that would freak out your body. A big no no. We want to show you and your body that pleasure is SAFE. By taking small steps along the continuum. I like to advise my clients to open to where You can still say yes to the pleasure but you’re not forcing yourself open. You’ll feel slight discomfort as you’re expanding your capacity for pleasure, this happens as you reach past your edge of current comfort, but not so far outside your safe zone that you’re traumatizing your body.
PLEASURE IS SAFE
For example, maybe you have a hard time sitting and being without doing and go go go and feeling the pleasure of the present moment. To practice expanding it you might practicing sitting and surrendering to the pleasure in the calm and quiet present moment with a cup of coffee sans phone for 5 minutes rather than expecting yourself to feel the pleasure in 50 minutes. Going from 0 to 50 will likely have you feel like you’ve failed at this whole pleasure thing and re confirm beliefs such as “See! Pleasure is not for me” or “I’m a failure” or “pleasure isn’t safe”.
As you intentionally focus on expanding your capacity for pleasure, you’ll see what your current beliefs are around pleasure and where there’s some re-programing to do. This is unfortunately so common because pleasure has been shamed and shut down for so many due to cultural, religious and societal views and expectations. Pleasure is power and of course the power in women has been suppressed for so many years but your inner intimacy healing will create a new paradigm where we create all the space for pleasure is where it, and we, are oh so cherished as a sacred.
PLEASURE IS POWERFUL
Another example, which I talk about in a lesson in the “Emody” program, accessible when you join the Love Library monthly membership, is to sit longer with self pleasure. If normally you stop yourself before an orgasm, can you hold your connection to the pleasure just a little bit longer. Or maybe you always stop yourself at one orgasm. Can you practice holding your connection to pleasure a little bit longer and open to the possibility of a second? Third? Remember, it’s not to have more orgasms to define the success of sexual pleasure, but rather to access all the pleasure that is available simply for the sake of playing in more pleasure. You can’t “succeed” or “win” at pleasure nor it is a way to dermine your worthiness or enoughness or lovability.
PLEASURE IS NOT HERE TO DEFINE YOU BUT TO EXPAND YOU
Take this moment to breathe, hand to heart, and see if you can give yourself just a little more permission to open up to your pleasure so more and more of your life feels like one big pocket of pleasure.
Because life is just SO freaking fun when ALL of us women are living and playing in pleasure!
Ready to expand your capacity for more pleasure in your life? Get your pass to the Love Library today - a monthly membership with immediate access to 15+ self-study programs on accessing more sexy. & secure love, pleasure, and desire.
