November 29, 2019

Part 1: How to Up Level Your Relationship

November 29, 2019/ Dr. Chelsea Page

Everyone in relationships right at this moment is experiencing a different stage of relationship success. Success meaning happiness that is not defined by any external source (cough*cough - tv, movies and crap on the internet - cough*cough) but instead by what is co-wanted and co-created by your heart and your partner’s heart. The creation of your relationship is an internal process, not an external process so be careful about defining things by external measurements.

This is part two of a 3-part series. Make sure to check out Part Two: How to Up Level your Relationship and Part Three: The Intentional Woman's Relationship to get all the goods!

You may be reading this and perhaps are in a relationship where you are in “Ugh” mode (or Ugh x 100) because things aren’t going well. Or maybe you are in a smile-on-your-face stage of your relationship. Regardless of where you are at in order to up-level your relationship you need to do three key things. Although all are essential to feeling that your relationship is totally awesome and things are moving and grooving in a way that is making friends think “where did you get that magic!?”, I save the best and arguably the most important for last.

Gather the Right Tools

You are not a Wing-It Girl. Perhaps you have been in this mode for a while where you’ve read a book here, maybe did therapy for a session or two there, kinda sorta committed to consistent intimacy and tried several random somethings to make your relationship better but it just would * Not * Stick. The Wing-It Girl grabs at random tools in hopes of building relationship happiness. Nope, this isn’t you anymore.

Instead, you are now an Intentional Woman. If you didn’t know this, believe me, you are. Reading this proves that. As an Intentional Woman, you know that in order to have a reliable smile-on-your-face type of relationship where intimacy is strong then you acquire the right tools to create your desired intimacy picture. You have tools like those that help you become self-aware, develop emotional intelligence, and you know how to connect emotionally with your partner and to communicate your wants and needs inside the bedroom and out. You aren’t about the bandaid approach to life and so the tools you choose, although perhaps not as fancy as you initially thought, are what it takes.

You are also able to approach things like a buffet: you take what works for you and your relationship and leave the rest. And you’re always intentional about acquiring new tools and discarding the ones that don’t work. You are savvy in knowing what you need to build so you don’t get shiny object syndrome and you don’t get tools you don’t need but maybe just look good. You know that you don’t have to keep what doesn’t work for you and your relationship because an Intentional Woman knows her relationship is unique to her and her partner and is always evolving.

This is part two of a 3-part series. Make sure to check out Part Two: How to Up Level your Relationship and Part Three: The Intentional Woman's Relationship to get all the goods!

Consistent Action

So now you have your tools, your “what” but then we can’t go into comfy-mode. No. To Up-level your relationship you can’t just gather wonderful tools for your toolbox. You need to actually use them. Do you think your house got built by the builder just gathering the tools and then sitting on the ground with some yummy coffee and imagining the home into existence? Sure that would be easy and nice and the image of the home is necessary, but to actually create the home, it takes sweat equity. Using the tools to build what you and your partner want to build also takes effort.

The work that’s involved? It’s OK because as an Intentional Woman you aren’t afraid of work. You are ok with being the co-builder of the relationship masterpiece with your partner. You know that in order to have what you want, deserve and are capable of, you have to be involved. A relationship requires you to be a fellow builder with your partner.

You aren’t going to settle for easy and comfy. Because easy means something else is creating your life and the relationship you want. Giving up your relationship building rights means you are handing things over to external factors that don’t have your heart in mind. And who knows what crazy outcome that will have?! You know you and your relationship deserve better than that.

So you do the work. But not randomly, whenever it’s convenient you pick up a tool, hammer in a nail or two and hope things hold together. As an Intentional Woman, you’ve got dirt on your face, sleeves rolled up, and consistently taking action because that’s how you create the life and relationship you want. That what traveling down the Road of Intentional Intimacy is all about.

Up-Level Yourself

I like to think of a good and healthy relationship like a bridge. One that looks like the letter H. Each side of the bridge has a foundation: you and your partner. And the bridge is the connection. So in order to even have that the Intimacy Bridge you need to have two sides holding it up. And each side needs to be built strong. Without one side of the bridge, the whole thing will collapse. I go into a deep dive about this concept in Part Two of this series (coming soon). but what I want you to know is that without you there is no relationship. So you need to build yourself up strong and pay attention to your wants and needs.

If your mind is jumping in here and thinking “what about my partner??”. Yes, he needs to be in charge of up-leveling his side of the bridge too. But you can’t control him so bring the focus back to you. If you want your relationship to go higher and higher into the clouds where all your relationship desires and highest intimacy live. Then girl, you best start building. Uplevel yourself first. When you go first, the relationship will follow. Because your relationship can’t grow if you don’t grow. You need to explore and be self-aware in order for your relationship to experience the same. Focus on the tools you need. Focus on using them to build your side of the bridge high and mighty.

If your bridge is low and in “Ugh” mode and therefore the connection, happiness, ease, and comfort are low, then start up-leveling yourself. If your bridge, and therefore your relationship, is high in love and connection and you want to take things to the next level, keep building yourself. What results is then your Intimacy Bridge will grow right along with you. There is no limit to your own growth and the growth of your relationship as long as you are always willing to grow, which I know you are as an Intentional Woman. So regardless of where you are at, find and grab the right tools you need, build consistently, and focus on your side of the bridge.

See you in the clouds!

This is part two of a 3-part series. Make sure to check out Part Two: How to Up Level your Relationship and Part Three: The Intentional Woman's Relationship to get all the goods!

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