Part 3: The Intentional Woman's Relationship

As an Intentional Woman, you have learned the tools you need to up-level your relationship and you have focused on how to build a a Healthy Relationship Bridge. You know that you are responsible for building your side of the bridge and your partner is responsible for his. But what about that connection piece of the bridge, who’s responsible for that? Let’s zero in on that part of the bridge that connects you and your partner and the energy input.

This is part three of a 3-part series. Make sure to check out Part One: How to Up Level your Relationship and Part Two: Building a Strong Relationship Bridge to get all the goods! 

The Over-Responsible Woman’s Relationship Bridge

Let’s imagine for a second that you are standing on one edge of the Intimacy Bridge and your partner is on the other side. It takes 100 steps to get to the other side of the bridge. Any time one of you steps toward the other it’s input into your relationship, which takes effort. An over-responsible woman in a relationship takes on most or all of the Intimacy effort. Meaning you run across the bridge many, many times. Most of the time you’re running all 100 steps to meet your partner or maybe you’ll do 80 steps and your partner runs to make up the remaining 20. 

Why do many women take too much responsibility for a lot or most of the effort? You might do so because you are anxious he won’t run toward you so you run toward him instead to ensure that connection. Your people pleaser part of you may also have you running across the bridge doing things for your partner to try to ensure his happiness. Or maybe it’s your overachiever part of you that is focused on doing all-the-things to then be seen and feel valuable. Even still your perfectionist side of you maybe is so adamant on doing everything perfectly that she turns her nose up at the idea of your partner doing anything because he’ll “do it wrong”. Regardless of the motivation, you totally disregard the “Half Way” sign marking the middle of the bridge and you do too much. And the two-way street that every Intimacy Bridge should have becomes a one-way street.

The result? Exhaustion. Resentment. Frustration. Thoughts like “Why doesn’t my partner do anything?”, “Why am I doing all the work?”, “Do I matter to him?”, or “Shouldn’t he know to do things without me asking?” The problem is if you keep running to the other side then your partner 1) doesn’t know there’s more to the bridge because you’re always running across it. He might think the bridge is 40 steps and since he stepped 20 he thought it was halfway. And 2) Why would he run to you if you’re always running to him? He doesn’t even get a chance to run further to you if you are already doing all the work. 

The Intentional Woman’s Relationship Bridge

An Intentional Woman knows the halfway point in the Intimacy bridge. She knows that stopping in the middle takes courage and trust but she’s OK with that. She knows that to trust her partner will meet her in the middle she needs to first stop running to the other side. This gives her partner a chance to actually show up for her in a secure relationship way. She doesn’t wait for her partner to make the changes because she knows that as an Intentional Woman, she needs to go first.

The Intentional Women also lets her partner know, nicely and vulnerably if she needs him to come to her. She knows her partner isn’t a mind-reader and won’t know magically when she needs him to do the work to come to her. She also voices her needs because she knows her needs matter. She also waits nicely and patiently on her side of the bridge. She doesn’t yell at her partner or angrily tells him how pissed she is, because she knows this will just have him not want to come to her side of the bridge or meet her in the middle. Why get closer to something that bites? An Intentional Woman doesn’t bite (unless it’s in play). Instead, she is gentle, inviting, and loving. And she knows that occasionally it’s ok to do cross the halfway point on the bridge because it’s not exactly 50/50 all the time but it’s certainly not 100/0 or 80/20. She respects the middle of the bridge in her relationship and by doing so, she respects herself.

This is part three of a 3-part series. Make sure to check out Part One: How to Up Level your Relationship and Part Two: Building a Strong Relationship Bridge to get all the goods!