Grab a cup of tea and dive into the blog on all things love, pleasure, desire & intimacy!
T is for Transition: Four Transitions of Intimacy for Optimal Desire
As a woman you need to be intentional about your desire because it isn’t something that you can sit back and wait for things to happen. Autopilot just doesn’t work in intimacy. That would be the equivalent to sitting in the passenger side of a car and expecting the car to go on its own while at the same time being frustrated nothing is happening. Sure there are Teslas now but that’s more of like how most men experience desire. They can sit back and their hormones can drive without much other influence. As a woman, your sexuality and desire require you to get into the driver seat and know how to drive your desire and that includes paying attention to the transitions of intimacy…
S is for Spontaneous Desire: What Spontaneous Desire Looks Like For Women
Spontaneous, excited desire is what we are often programmed to think is the “right” type of desire. This is because the “I want to jump you now” mentality is what we often see in the media because it creates quick, steamy sex scenes, which sells movies. But what does spontaneous desire actually look like in long-term relationships? And even more, what does it look like for women? The reality of these questions is important to your understanding and approach to the sexual side of your relationship…
R is for Responsive Desire: The Dominant Type of Desire for Most Women
Over and over I get women that come into my office that struggle with desire. Their partner is frustrated, they are frustrated, and both often feel stuck in what to do about it. He might think “why doesn’t she want more sex?” and in search of the answer his mind often lands on things like “Is it because I’m undesirable? Is something wrong with her? Is there something wrong in our relationship?” And on the other side, she may think “I want to want to have sex with my partner” and because…
Q is for Quick Fix: Three Quick Fix Relationship Traps and How to Avoid Them
The best things in life do not come free or easily. Instead what you need to do intentional and manageable work to make sure you get the results that you want. When it comes to relationships, the results that many people want are to have happiness, connection, sexual intimacy and a relationship that is stress-free. You are totally able to have those results in your relationship and the best way is to make sure you take the right approach rather than getting stuck in the “quick fix” traps. The quick fix is when you are…
P is for Pleasure: How to Focus on Pleasure and Leave Pressure in the Dust
Last week we talked about the key elements of orgasm, including the body, mind, and vulnerability. Although it is helpful to know what is needed to contribute to the potential experience of an orgasm, I want to emphasize that orgasm does not necessarily need to be the sole pleasure goal when enjoying intimacy with your partner. Instead, intimacy is about a shared pleasurable connection and the best way to do this is to expand your intimacy focus so that you have a whole array of pleasurable ways to connect that isn’t focused just on orgasm…
O is for Orgasm: Your Guide to Orgasm in Relationship
Orgasm is something that is often a very important part of the sexual experience. Well the “Big O” is made into a big deal given the role it has in many movies with the sigh of contentment being highlighted as the key sex scene in many movies. Although I advocate for the importance of not putting so much pressure on orgasm but rather sharing connected pleasure, which I talk a bit more in next week’s blog post, I do know it’s not necessarily something to ignore. So I want to give you…
N is for Negotiation: How to Negotiate Intimacy so Both Partners Feel Good
For a love that lasts, I have spoken about the importance of setting time aside for you and your partner to be intimate with each other. A key piece is to not only set the time aside to be intimate but to also be able to negotiate what your intimacy time looks like. Importantly this is what you and your partner want your intimacy time to look like, not what it’s “supposed” to look like. Unfortunately, because of the poor sex education most of us get it’s easy to fall into the trap of what sex is “supposed” to look like…
M is for Myths: Five Common Myths That Harm Your Relationship
As a therapist I see numerous relationships that are impacted negatively by the inaccurate myths that are thrown at us from the media, Facebook, porn, romance books, religion, trying-to-be-helpful parents or friends.
With the numerous inaccurate and negative messages out there that create harmful myths I want to help you re-examine what is good and what isn’t when it comes to sustainable relationships. Here are five of those myths…