The Joy Codes: How to Live Joyfully
/Have you heard of the fabulous Marie Kondo? She was quite the sensation several years ago and continues to this day with her books The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing , and Spark Joy, as well as her Netflix series. She’s all about tidying up your home by clearing out the things that no longer bring joy, and keeping only the things that spark joy in your home.
It is important to not only have the things in your home that spark joy but it is also essential that the things you do in your life also operate under the same concept. Meaning that you do the things that brings joy to your heart. It is essential that you focus on joy because without you and your heart’s happiness, the rest will crumble, including your relationship because the relationship with your partner is only as strong as the relationship with yourself.
FREE Joy Codes class on Youtube. Watch Day 1 HERE
What Blocks Your Joy
In a previous blog post A Powerful Secret to Positive Change in Your Relationship we talked about taking a step back in your relationship and not doing all the things. Less is more. This is perhaps hard for you, like many women, because not only do you have a nurturing side of you as a woman, but also the High Achiever, People Pleaser, and Perfectionist parts of you that pull the attention away from you and your joy.
Although there are benefits to these parts of you, when they are in overdrive they don’t allow space for the things that bring you joy. Identifying what parts of you block your joy will help you to make sure they aren’t always running the show and have them take a step back from doing all the things so you can feel joy.
How do these parts of you block joy?
The High Achiever is all about doing adding more to the to-do list and doing all the things and doesn’t care if that thing brings you joy. There may be a type of joy that happens along the way but that’s just a coincidence.
The People Pleaser is all focused on others and leaves you in the dust. I understand there is joy in helping others but if this the only guide for joy then this joy is not a true joy. It is more of an imposter joy because the other person’s joy is used as your internal compass rather than your own joy.
And the Perfectionist? Sure there’s a moment of “woo hoo!” when you feel like you did something oh so perfectly, but that joy isn’t sustainable and it isn’t about you - it’s about the accomplishment of doing something perfectly with the hopes that others see your value or don’t judge you.
Know What Joy Feels Like For You
Part of doing what sparks joy for you is knowing what on earth joy even feels like. There are several ways to do this. To know what joy feels like you, think back to a time that you identify as joy. As you remember this time, try to remember what your thoughts were like and what your body felt like. Even in this moment right now as you are remembering the past, notice what your body feels like while it's remembering the joy in the past. Write down what you observe.
You will want to be on the lookout for this feeling in the future and call it out “This is joy!” so your mind makes a note of what it is. Also, keep in mind there are variations of joy. For example, me sitting and reading with some coffee brings me a peaceful joy, whereas going to a new restaurant on date night with my husband is more of an excited joy. The more you pay attention to your joy, the more you’ll get to know this part of you and its nuances.
Do More of What Sparks Joy
When you know what joy feels like for you, then this becomes your guiding compass. Your High Achieving part of you doesn’t get to be your compass. Certainly not your People Pleaser either because this part of you is all about other people’s joy. And your Perfectionist? Joy doesn’t live in perfection. Joy lives in you, in your heart. Joy comes from listening to your heart and taking action to respond.
With your Joy as your guide, you can then hold up what you do and the choices you make to that feeling of joy. You can do this by approaching each activity or thing in your life and preface it with the question “Does this spark joy?”. If the answer is yes, then proceed. If the answer is no, then don’t. Granted, I know we can’t do all the things that bring us joy. I don’t know about you but washing dishes isn’t really my idea of joy and it’s not like you can just stop doing the dishes. Although you can if you approach it by stepping back like I talked about in this blog post. It’s all about balance and allowing space for the things that spark joy in you, while also creating space for the to-do list. The key is to not let that to-do list squash your joy.
Share Your Joy With Your Partner
There is magic when you share the joy of your heart with your partner. It fuels the intimate connection between you. This means sharing what brings you joy so your partner is aware of what brings joy to your heart so he too can support it. It also means sharing the joy you experience at the moment. These vulnerable offerings of your heart create a pure and strong connection between you and your partner. And it’s pure because it’s a connection that includes your heart in the conversation. Leave your heart, and therefore your joy, out of the conversation and that means you aren’t bringing all of you to the relationship. And without you there can’t be a relationship. Focus on joy and share it and that will bring more magic into your life and relationship.
