Top Three Book Recommendations from a Sex and Relationship Expert
I am a huge bookworm and if you are too you are in for a treat! In this post, I want to share with you three of my favorite books that I recommend to anyone wanting to understand more about emotional and sexual intimacy. There are so many books out in the world, which can make it hard to know which ones to read. Although there are certainly other great books out there that I suggest, this post has three goodies that I don’t want you to miss out on!
The Five Love Languages
The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman is a super quick and easy read since it’s under 200 pages. So there can't be any excuses not to read it! Although this is a quick read it is one of the essential pieces to building a strong emotional foundation in your relationship. Essentially what this book covers is how you receive and give love and also how your partner receives and gives love.
Why is this important? What happens is many of us in a relationship do not speak the same language of giving and receiving love. It’s kind of like saying “I love you” in Spanish but your partner speaks French. This book will help you identify what your language is and help guide you into helping your partner learn your language. It also helps you understand what your partner's love language is and how to speak their language. There’s also a quiz to help you zero in on what each other's top language is and also what is second in line, which you can also take online. If you want a little bit of an overview of the book you can check out this blog post: F is for Five Love Languages: Building Emotional Intimacy in Your Relationship.
Hold Me Tight
Another really important book in your growth as a couple along the Intentional Intimacy road is Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Dr. Sue Johnson. She also has another book called Love Sense that’s similar to Hold Me Tight but is a little bit more science-heavy so if that strikes your fancy make sure to check that one out as well! This book is a bit more hefty and involved but it’s just way too good to pass up. And your relationship totally deserves the effort, that’s the Intentional Intimacy way!
What Hold Me Tight covers is creating secure emotional attachment and is based on Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), which is a therapy approach that I use when working with couples because I think it’s just shy of something magical. What Dr. Johnson focuses on in this book is to help you understand how to establish open, attuned, and responsiveness to each other through seven vulnerable conversations, which creates a secure attachment with your partner. I also cover a bit of this in a previous post Create Easy Connection Using the ‘ARE’ Approach, so make sure to check it out! Dr. Johnson also helps you understand what blocks you from creating this secure connection so that you can work on eliminating the blocks while you are optimizing your emotional. connection
Come As You Are
The wonderful book Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life was created and written by Emily Nagoski and is all about the science of female sexual desire. In this book, Emily helps you understand your turn on‘s and turn off‘s as well as the importance of context. These play a huge part because they help many women who experience responsive desire as their dominant type. This book is a must-read if you are wanting to understand and excess more of your inner ‘Miss Desire’ and have more ease and confidence in sexual intimacy with your partner. She also has a The Come as You Are Workbook that goes right along with this book so you get tons of awesome help!
She also just came out with a new book called Burn Out: The Secret to Unlocking The Stress Cycle. I also highly suggest this book because it’s all about stress which is something that is certainly a big block to anyone’s inner ‘Miss Desire’. It’s a great companion book to Come As You Are so if you’re feeling extra committed, I’d invest in both. And if you want to know what else might be blocking your desire along with stress, make sure to check out the Free Sexual Blocks Quiz!
Need some guidance? I am passionate about helping women ready to break free from the need to be everything to everyone. As a reformed people-pleaser myself, I am ready to help you step into confidence and connection with yourself and in your relationship. I have a wonderful coaching package just for you where I guide you into living a heart-centered life using intentional intimacy — while making it all feel totally easy and doable. This means living your life from the inside out rather than the outside in, which = peace, joy, fun and confidence!