Get Down to Business For More Emotional Intimacy

In many relationships, we often can get trapped in assumptions or assuming that our partner can read our mind. Assumptions can come from how we witnessed relationships growing up or our culture, or just a straight-up lack of actually checking in with each other about who’s doing what and where and why. It’s important as an Intentional Woman to not leave understanding and getting on the same page to change. This makes emotional intimacy in your relationship vulnerable and susceptible. This is why I suggest that in order to get everyone on the same page is to sit down for an intentional relationship discussion aka a “Relationship Business Meeting”.

What is a Relationship Business Meeting?

It may seem strange that emotional intimacy can come from something akin to a business meeting but stay with me here. To keep the connection and emotional intimacy strong in your relationship it is not only important to build and increase the connection between you two, through things like the Love Languages and sharing your emotions vulnerably, but you also want to mitigate any threats to the emotional bond between the two of you. 

One big emotional threat that happens in all relationships, including my own, is not having clear expectations and a shared agreement around those expectations when it comes to practically anything in the relationship. A Relationship Business Meeting then allows you both to get really clear of expectations, come to a shared agreement and to assess how things are going. Without this, you are in wing-it mode and that just doesn’t work so well.

Imagine for a minute that the company Apple operated its a company in “wing-it” mode. meaning they didn’t have clear expectations or goals of the company or their employees and there were never any business meetings or progress reviews. Each person in the company would have no idea what their role was, what they needed to do or not do, and no check-ins to make sure everyone was on the same page and to assess how everything was going. It would be chaos! Like, I don’t even want to imagine the pending disaster and company demise! Your relationship, without clear expectations and check-ins, would also be operating with this same “wing-it” approach and disaster is bound to strike.

When to Have your Meeting

There are different levels to the Relationship Business Metting just like in a company. I advise doing at least a yearly re-visit to your Unity Vision Statement as well as quarterly check-ins. But really the frequency is up to you and your partner. And this doesn’t mean that between these times you and your partner aren’t speaking your wants, needs and having conversations when necessary. Sometimes things can’t wait until the next quarterly meeting. But with the quarterly meeting, you can approach things with more intention because you can each more fully show up and not in a triggered emotional state, as well as be prepared to discuss what isn’t working and what needs to change. Sometimes bringing things up at the moment when one or both of you are already frustrated isn’t the time to do a deep-dive conversation. As you gain more inner strength and emotional understanding you will be able to approach things in the moment but even then, a Relationship Business Meeting will still be important. 

How to Have a Relationship Business Meeting

Step 1: Agreement of the Meeting 

To start implementing the Relationship Business Meeting, you both first need to be on board. Find a time to talk with your partner and share that you would love to be more intentional about getting on the same page in the relationship and discussing any concerns that either of you may have inside the bedroom or out. Use the language of “Relationship Business Meeting” because this will feel more understandable and “safer” to your partner because it won’t feel like this is just a scheduled time for an emotional bi&$h fest or dump. But rather an intentional approach of honoring emotional concerns using strategizing, brainstorming, negotiations, solution, implementation and refinement. 

Step 2: Schedule a time for your meeting 

When you do your quarterly meeting I advise setting about 3-4 hours to really give each topic the space it needs. It is also important to find a time that is energetically good for both of you, so it will likely mean not at 11 pm if you aren’t a night person, or after a long day of work. My husband and I love brunch so it was him, me and the server for 4 hours during Sunday brunch during out last Relationship Business Metting (don’t worry, we tipped her well!). 

Step 3: Create a List of “Agenda Items”

Create your list somewhere where you both can see and add to. A shared Google Doc, notes app on your phone, or whiteboard somewhere in the house works well. A good number to stay around for each meeting is 2-3 items so as not to overwhelm both of you. You can even start by bringing two agenda items total, so one thing you want to bring to the table and one thing your partner wants to bring to the table. Don’t go over 3 items (4 maaaaaybe) because that will be overwhelming. 

Step 4: Confirm Meeting Time and Show Up Prepared

This means you have both agreed about a week ahead that the time scheduled still works, that you both have checked the agenda list, and also that you are energetically prepared. Don’t show up to this important meeting on an empty stomach, on a lack of sleep or having no idea what the meeting is about. Would you show up to an important business meeting with your work boss not prepared, frazzled and without having eaten all day? I would hope not and you also don’t want to approach your Relationship Business Meeting this way either. Just like transitions are important for your mind and body for bedroom fun, so are transitions important for other important areas of your life. 

Step 5: Review Past Items 

At the beginning give each other a smooch to start things off and begin with a review of past items you both have been working on. Each of you shares first what you think your partner has done well and what you feel you have done well. If this is your first meeting, you can do this positive focus on your relationship in general. Then focus on what is still needing some adjustments on the agenda items discussed in your past meeting. Brainstorm with each other about how this can be approached differently and then agree on the new plan of action. 

You might find that one or several items will need multiple tweaks and therefore discussed in several quarterly meetings. This is because the time for change takes, well time. Don’t expect you or your partner or you to be Speedy Gonzales with change now or have it down perfectly. But if a change isn’t happening after several check-ins, this might mean you both are stuck and likely need outside help to address the issue to have new solutions to implement.

Step 6: Discuss New Agenda Items 

Next, you will discuss any new agenda items to discuss apart from reviewing past items. Take a bathroom or snack break if you need to! Then tackle each problem fully before moving onto the next item. This is crucial because you want to find an agreed-upon resolution and plan of action and what the change means/the importance of it for each person on each agenda item. If you discuss 3 things at the same time you’ll both likely get frustrated and get lost in the details. Apple isn’t going to talk about their new iPhone coming out, the internal computer crash that happened, and what the new holiday time off looks like all at the same time. This would be system overload! So you also will need to take it one agenda item at a time. Discuss each item, the concerns around it, brainstorm together solutions and then create a plan of action.  

Step 7: Wrap-up and Set the Next Meeting 

The goal for each meeting is to have a clear understanding and a shared agreement about what is needed for each item so you both feel good about what you are doing between now and your next meeting. You both want to commit to the agreement and to intentionally implement it. Give each other another hug and smooch to call “meeting adjourned” and to honor this amazing commitment you both have made to grow your relationship stronger. It is then super important to set the next date for your next meeting time. Don’t wait!! Life always gets in the way and then a month will go by before you know it. Find a time and mark it in your shared calendar. It’s OK if you need to move it but hold the spot and adjust later if needed. 

Then, go to step 3 and lather rinse repeat!

Want to know more about how to uplevel your relationship even more inside the bedroom and out? I thought so! Come join me in Facebook Group for the FREE Intentional Intimacy Mini-Series “The 4 Essential Steps to Connection and Happiness in your Relationship (Inside the Bedroom and Out!). The action starts on March 3rd! Join now so you don’t miss out on the free lessons and oh, did I mention there are giveaways?! 🎉